EDITOR’S NOTE: In this series, we get the thoughts and reactions of people 50 and older to a variety of everyday issues. If you or anyone you know would be willing to field some questions, email maryhunt@sfseniorbeat.com or rebeccalum@sfseniorbeat.com.
Story and photographs by Mary Hunt and Rebecca Rosen Lum
Question: You’re over 55 – old enough to qualify for many senior discounts, but also old enough to be aware that you’re being treated differently, sometimes in ways that aren’t comfortable. We asked several seniors what they prefer this stage of life be called — elderly? mature? — and which of these identifiers drives them up the wall. What is in a name?
The term “golden years” was coined as an advertising pitch for the Sun City development in the 1950s, although seniors today may be more likely to associate it with rock star David Bowie.
“Why should I need to be called anything?” said Marilyn Chow, after her class at the San Francisco Ballet. “I’m a person. I’ve always been a person, and I’m still a person.
“On reflection, growing older is about growing wiser,” said Chow, who declined to divulge her age. “It’s a continuing growth and learning opportunity every day…an opportunity to integrate life lessons along the way and to share one’s wisdom with the upcoming generations.”
Reframing aging
The notion that “senior” has become a pejorative term is reflected in the trend to “reframe” aging. In the industries and agencies that serve this demographic, it’s the latest buzzword. It’s generated a host of programs aimed at keeping older adults connected to their communities – and an effort to find perhaps peppier terminology for those of a certain age. One earnest group suggested “perennial.”
Thesaurus.com offers up such synonyms as superannuated, gray, grizzled, venerable, hoary, not young, of long life, past one’s prime, far advanced in years, matured, having lived long, full of years, seasoned, debilitated, infirm, inactive, and deficient.
No thanks, said the seniors we spoke to in various San Francisco neighborhoods.
“Elder is great because it implies wisdom,” said Nancy Wong, 69, a retired IRS professional interviewed at Castro Senior Center, where she joins friends for the Project Open Hand Lunch.
“When people get older, they modify their lives in many ways,” she said. “The word ‘old’ means you are limited in what you can do, you can’t do much,” she said. “But elder, or senior, suggests wisdom and experience.”
Veteran photographer Tom Barton, 76, calls this stage of life “the trying years,” because for him, this is a time for trying new things, engaging in new experiences “just to make your life better.”
Barton pushed for – and got – a pedestrian crossing light on Geary Boulevard at Stanyan Street after bringing a problem to the group Geary Rapid at SFMTA. “I learned that one person can make a difference,” he said.
He plans outside activities for the Castro Senior center and edits its newsletter, “so I’m very busy,” he said. You name the technology, Barton’s got it: iPad, iPhone, laptop – and ease with social media.
Age of ‘reinterpretation’
For Jay Karvé, 69, a friend of Barton’s, this is “the age of reinterpretation.
“Everything gets re-evaluated, in terms of how I am now,” he said. “People treat me differently because I am older. First, they see the age, and they may get no further than that.”
Karve immigrated to the U.S. from Mumbai, India, in 1975 to work as a computer engineer.
Call them what you will; just don’t patronize them, these seniors said. That includes asking “how many years young” they are – too cutesy.
But then there’s clarinetist Jasmine Gee, who sings in three choral groups. Late for a Project Open Hand lunch due to an appointment at the manicurist, she said, “I don’t mind, because I’m 70 years young.” She participates in three choral groups.
At 81, Betty Wilson hasn’t slowed down much. She still lives in the same Bayview District house she bought 50 years ago. An only child, she has six children, 20 grandchildren and 12 great-grandchildren.
‘I am a senior’
“I live a healthy life,” she said. “I live every day to its fullest. I’m still mobile. I drive my car every day. Get up when I want to. I am a senior. As far as I’m concerned, there’s a lot of wisdom attached to that name.”
Wilson loves to beat out the blues in her steel drum workshop at the Bayview Senior Center and hits the dance floor a couple times a week.
People tell Classie Kendrick she doesn’t look her age. “And I definitely don’t act my age.”
“Golden years” suits Kendrick just fine. So does senior. Twelve years ago, after a 30-year career with Wells Fargo, she took a job as activity director at the Bayview Senior Center.
“I don’t mind being called a senior, but not an old person,” she said.
“A lot of these ladies say these are their best years, even though their spouse is already gone,” she said. “They do what they want to do. They don’t have to rush home and cook dinner for their husbands. It’s not like you’re glad you’re husband’s gone, but you – only have to worry about just one person, and that’s you.
“Your kids are grown and gone. If I cook, it’s a couple times a week and that lasts two or three days.”
‘You’ll get there’
One of her ventures brought young people in to the senior center to learn how to seek jobs, present themselves and prepare for interviews.
“Sometimes you’d hear young people say, “Oh, you all be down there with all them old folks?’ They make it sound dirty. I say, “You keep living, you’ll get there.”
