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HOW ABOUT YOU? Covid put my need for intimate relationships and friends into sharp focus

May 19, 2021

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HOW ABOUT YOU? Covid put my need for intimate relationships and friends into sharp focus

During the first few weeks of the Covid 19 lockdown, my friend and I called each other daily. What a weird circumstance to be in – physically cut off from family and friends. It was unnatural, like a war zone, the virus being the enemy.

I also looked forward to 7 p.m., when neighbors would blow horns and clap for frontline medical workers. I was connecting with strangers expressing the strong emotion of gratitude.

I don’t remember how long the initial lockdown went on; most of us adjusted. But not those in hospitals, nursing homes, assisted living and other places were Covid reigned. Nor those who couldn’t be with loved ones suffering and sometimes dying there.

But even people not in dire straits, like myself, were suffering, too, from the loneliness that only connecting in person can allay. “I just want a hug,” I thought ever so regularly. Zoom helped but couldn’t replace meeting in person.

Cafes and restaurants have hung on to business with outdoor seating and parklets during Covid restricitons.
Cafes and restaurants have hung on to business with outdoor seating and parklets during Covid restrictions.(Photo courtesy of the San Francisco Planning Department.)

Abraham Maslow, an American psychologist from Menlo Park, Calif., created a pyramid of five levels of human needs. After the biological needs for human survival and safety, the third most important is for interpersonal relationships.

With Covid lockdown, this need for intimate relationships and friends came into sharp focus and has stayed that way for me. As things open up, I am able to see my family, get lots of hugs and sit outdoors at cafes, sipping coffee and chatting with friends face-to-face. My “happy hormones”- dopamine and oxytocin – are flowing again, and life is brighter.

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8 Comments
  1. Kathy Holly

    I started producing ZOOM cabaret shows, featuring several singers, including myself. It was quite and experience and now I'm still doing this once a month. It's been wonderful to be able to entertain people in their own homes. It's very rewarding. I've also found that daily prayer and Mass online has been nurturing my soul and keeping me balanced during all these many months. I've reconnected online and on the phone with so many old friends and it feels wonderful!

  2. Dorothy Walsh

    I was due to fly to Spain to see my new granddaughter for the first time when Covid hit. Suddenly we were confined to our homes and our lives all changed. It was very scary at first and then boring as the week turned into months. Zoom and FaceTime were so welcomed at first but even these "chats" got challenging after a while. Playing Anima Jam and other games with grandchildren got exhausting too. Friends died and there was no closure, no saying goodbye. Covid was really like the scary montster outside that my grandson called "him". The unseen baby's other grandmother died of Covid within 5 days. Finally the sadness is over and They came from Spain so I got to hold and play with baby for 3 weeks. Life is good again.

  3. Serena

    The COVID-19 pandemic increased my desire to get to know my neighbors. Now that we were all stuck at home together, why not get to know one another and care for one another? Throughout the pandemic, I moved three times, and in each new home tried to befriend my neighbors. Some places were more welcoming than others, but I found such solace in seeing people I recognized, exchanging pleasant greetings, and feeling recognized in a world that was growing increasingly uncertain. Now that we are coming out of the pandemic, I hope to bring my neighbors together for happy hours, gatherings, and hopefully a dinner party soon.

  4. Dany Vallerand

    Yesterday I went to a picnic in the park formed by NextDoor. I was interested in meeting new women as so many of my closest friends have left San Francisco. It was great to meet new people. The group of 30 ranged from mid-20s to mid-70s, I'm guessing, and many of us bonded over various parts of our lives: travel, dogs, athletic pursuits, hiking, city adventures, etc. I met several delightful women, a dog love like myself and an adventurous traveler young enough to be my daughter. The park was the perfect venue, amazing weather, all sorts of food, plenty of wine, and the type of bonding I had hoped for - all in all, an amazing Sunday.

  5. Rebecca Gordon

    To be perfectly honest, covid lockdown didn't really affect me very much. Let me explain. I have been house bound since August 2019 awaiting knee replacement surgery. I live up 17 steps in an apartment in Bernal Heights and can't navigate them because of my knees. In fact, I've been down my stairs a total of 4 times for medical appointments. About the only thing that really inconvenienced me was that having others do my grocery shopping for me usually provided me the old, wrinkled fruits and vegetables no one else would buy because the Amazon and Safeway shoppers aren't properly trained. Since I'm retired my daily schedule didn't change much. I've entertained myself by crocheting afghans for baby charities and the VA Hospital. I've given away almost 300 in the past year. I love having the time to do this, knowing I'm helping others. I've also had the time to read at least 3 books per week, which is another solitary hobby of mine. Texting and emails have kept me in touch with friends and family. I spent the last 20+ years of my career working 8 hours a day on a computer, so I'm not very eager to Zoom or any other computer-based face-to-face communication. I also have wonderful neighbors in my apartment building, so I have help with my mail and box deliveries, and trash and recycling. Sometimes it's a challenge to keep my spirits up, but take a moment to reflect about how lucky I am not to have to worry about work or children or school and all the other things that many families are dealing with. I've even had the opportunity to get back into letter and card writing which I had virtually abandoned when I was working full-time. All this is not to say that I can't wait to get my knees done and get outside and hit the pavement once again. But, for now, I feel safe and secure in my little home.

  6. Donna J.

    I am enjoying being at home with my dog and cat. I am getting decluttering done, working in the yard, write letters to pals, and say hello to people that pass by me. Especially driving to the beach to sit in car with my pets to look at the ocean. It's very calming. I try to get people to smile or giggle and this makes me happy.

  7. Evan Johnson

    The lockdown was intense! I’m so glad to be vaxxed. My whole paradigm shifted, my priorities, everything! I am grateful for the communities that I engaged with virtually, some for short stints, others for the better part of a year! I feel as though I’m emerging from this time with a renewed sense of agency, generosity, and gratitude.

  8. Terri Wong

    Last year while sheltering in place, used the time to expand my artistic skills. Taught myself Japanese boro patchwork, sashiko embroidery, self published two books (one on Chinese children's hats and another on Yixing teapots), learned how to make washi paper bowls, and last but not least put together a zoom talk/slideshow re my collection of Chinese hats that I presented to many organizations, including the de Young Museum's ethnic textiles group. I took advantage of the numerous zoom events available to me-- museum events, voice classes, etc. -- to keep the brain alive and to meet new people with similar interests. Got to finally visit with my daughter on Mother's Day, after a year of not seeing her in person. And my stepson is coming to the Bay Area in July. Life is finally going back to normal.

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